Thursday, July 12, 2018

Post-Post-Gazette: The New, Improved Brooding Rant!

For local readers who miss "Brooding Rant," the weekly, local-interest comic strip by Dog Slobbers (which ended with Dog's abrupt departure in the wake of revenue-strapped, web-based cutbacks at his newspaper a few weeks ago), we run the following script for Dog's most recent, undrawn installment. At the moment, Dog is just too inundated with freelance work (and requests for media interviews) to scribble it out, but regular readers should already have the template well memorized!

A previous episode of Brooding Rant, featuring Stiller, the all-purpose Everyman, and Waitress.

This installment is a bit unusual in that it is pseudo-autobiographical (which is to say, psycho-biographical), featuring Dog himself as a balding, white-haired, middle-aged man with a pointy nose (which seems to grow longer panel-by-panel, with every exaggeration, distortion, and self-serving remark this Champion of the First Amendment utters). Like all visitors to the Brooding Rant Diner, Dog is seated at the Lunch Counter on the Edge of Forever, unburdening himself to an old-school waitress (named Waitress) who perennially wields a pot of piping-hot coffee ...

[Note: We've left in minor revisions to more accurately convey Mr. Slobbers' meticulous creative process.]

[Note II: Dog is not a dog.]

The New, Improved Brooding Rant ... by Dog Slobbers

Panel 1 (Dog at lunch counter, waving arms in exasperation; long-suffering Waitress with coffee pot and stoic facial expression, listening).
Dog: After 33 years as an editorial cartoonist, I’m unemployed!
Waitress [sardonically]: What does your publicist say happened?!
Panel 2 (Close on Dog with pained expression).
Dog: First, the newspaper business went into a decades-long steep decline which I took personally ...
Panel 3 (Waitress with unmoved expression).
Dog (off): Then, political cartoonists started dropping like flies until I was virtually the last man standing

Panel 4 (Dog and Waitress in silhouette two-shot; we see the moral indignation through the tortured body language).
Dog: Then, my paper was taken over by right-wing sympathizers!
: The last straw came when they ran a "racist" editorial!
: Is that when you felt you had no choice but to quit?!
Panel 5 (Dog, nose longer, waving arms in exasperation).
Dog: No ... I continued collecting my paycheck with full dental and medical benefits for several months, as a form of silent protest!

Panel 6 (Waitress, still with steaming coffee pot -- important later).
Waitress: So, are you still going to continue drawing this weekly comic strip ... to demonstrate your commitment to the local community that supported you for three decades, and to democracy in general?
Panel 7 (Dog, vaguely offended by the suggestion).
Dog: Are you kidding? Local-interest filler material cartooning has no national syndication potential! Besides, I'm angling for a big  any kind of  book deal!
Panel 8 (Dog writhing in pain as arm of Waitress, off panel, pours scalding hot coffee from pot into his lap).
Dog: Aaaarghh! I always knew you were pro-Trump!!
[Signed:] Dog Slobbers, Post-Post-Gazette.

[More on Dog Slobbers here.]

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